Messy & Purposeful Life

After my initial post, a lot has happened. My San Diego trip was planned for 10 days and I ended up staying for 17.

My dad picked me up from the airport that day and drove me to my grandma’s house. I walked in and surprised my grandpa (tata) first, and then my grandma. She was in her room and my mom and aunt were there visiting. I walked in and she smiled when she saw it was me. It was a brief burst of energy; I could tell she had significantly less energy since I was last home about a month before. That was Saturday evening.

We spent Sunday together. In the morning, I live streamed her church service for her. My uncle was flying into town that day to come visit her. She has three sons and one daughter. My mom lives in town, and my uncles had been coming to visit as much as they were able. Even in her low energy, she wanted to drive the 50 minutes to the airport with us to go pick him up. Silent the whole way, but I was glad she was out of the house and hopefully enjoying the warmth of the sun on her skin.

She passed away on Feb 3rd, and I’ve finally brought myself to write this post. I’ve just realized that was the last time she saw daylight. Before going to bed that night, I tried to talk to my grandma to gauge how she was feeling; her diagnosis wasn’t something I tried to avoid, but found it helped to talk about it with her. At this time, she was still saying she was okay and she didn’t feel like the end was near, but I knew that she knew. I told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her. She told me she loved me and that told me I’d be a great mom. Being as emotional as I am, there were only a few words I could get out without crying too much. I thanked her for always being there for me, being my second mom, and raising me. In between that, she would tell me not to cry because it was bad for the baby. We said our farewells that day, and I think we both knew it.

That night she was feeling off and wanted to go to the hospital. She had been feeling off for a while and I still think that she chose to go this night because I was there and she had a feeling of what was to come. My mom took her that night and the next morning as we’re getting ready to go see her and check in, we get the call from my mom that the doctor’s don’t think she has 24 hours left. We leave to the hospital, call my other two uncles, and Mitch (my husband). My other uncles were in Texas, and Mitch in Florida. When we get to the hospital she was heavily medicated, sleeping, and not very responsive.

By a miracle of God, my two uncles, and Mitch all arrive in San Diego before the day is over. Uncertain of what’s to come, we all say our goodbyes.

The next 6 days were some of the hardest, and most beautiful I’ve encountered. My grandma didn’t pass away the next day, or the day after. My whole family, (and I mean everyone; which is a lot considering my Hispanic heritage) not only showed up, but stayed. We took over 2 entire waiting areas in the hospital, there was food everyday, and so much love. To put into perspective how loved my grandma was, I’ll tell you that there were at least 120 people at her memorial service – mostly all family, but also just people who knew her and were able to experience her beautiful kindness and warmth.

I’m so grateful to my family who was there for my grandma, and for our immediate family. I’m so grateful to my husband who flew in the day I told him I needed him, and who spent the next 6 days at the hospital with me.

My grandma did have one more good day. I want to say it was Wednesday. She got a little burst of energy. She chatted with us, thanked people for being there, and even ate a little bit of a blueberry muffin with some milk.

After 6 days in the hospital, my grandma left us in her sleep. It was peaceful, and she’s in heaven now. I miss her so much and think about her regularly. I’m sad that baby didn’t get a chance to meet her, but I’ll have beautiful stories and photos to share with her about how loving, caring and kind her great grandma was.